Please note: A person’s sexual orientation is separate to their gender identity. For example; there are people who are gender diverse who are heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual. Therefore, Dave Wells views the sexual orientation of a person who is gender diverse as being dependent on the gender identity of the person in context to the gender/s of whom they are sexually and romantically attracted to.
There are many acceptable names used for identifying a person’s sexual attraction to another person. For example; Diverse Sexual Orientation, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Homosexual, Heterosexual, Queer, MSM (non-gay identified Men who have Sex with Men), and Straight. The problem for many about using one of these labels to identify your sexual-orientation to others, is that many of us have a combination of sexual behaviours and fantasies that do not correspond.
Dave Wells works from the philosophy that for many people their sexual orientation cannot be purely defined by a label. Labels can only serve to restrict us from understanding ourselves broadly and honestly. The sexual orientation of a person begins when our sexual brain is developing in the unborn foetus, and continues to develop throughout life.
Out of necessity, the terms; ‘same sex attracted’, ‘diverse sexual orientation’, or ‘sexual diversity’, will be used throughout this web site when referring to a person’s sexual orientation that is outside that of heterosexual (same sex attracted). ‘Diverse sexual orientation’ or ‘Sexual diversity’, will be used to cluster all people who are sexually attracted to others outside of the opposite sex. People can have ‘same-sex fantasy’ or ‘heterosexual fantasy’ without it defining their sexual, or intimate identity.
The many different labels used to identify people as being same sex attracted are accompanied by their own set of stereotypes, judgements, and interpretations.
Regardless of the level of your investment into same sex attraction, it continues to be viewed as being on the fringe of mainstream society in Australia, often resulting in the persecution of people for simply being a variance of every other person’s individual sexuality.
When social stigma, inequality, shame, fear, and judgement are some of the social reactions to a diverse sexual orientation, it can be difficult to find the strength to unite who you are with the world around you. For many, they can feel that it is not safe for their same sex attractions and fantasises to be exposed, and therefore hide these away.
As a result of the societal pressure on a person to deny their diverse sexual orientation, the journey of self-acceptance can be an extremely difficult process. Often the fear of; loss, acceptance, rejection, loneliness, not being regarded as fitting mainstream ideals, can all be factors that hinder the process of being honest about this essential element of our being.
Human sexuality has been the most natural area of a human–being that has been influenced by societies and institutional values, judgements and expectations. For many, we have been socialised with these and pressured away for exploring our individual sexual-beings without influence. Some conservative views see homosexuality as a choice. You can be homosexual, however you can chose not to practice it. Unfortunately, this level of uneducated ignorance fails to identify that human sexuality is interwoven into every other component of our existence.
Many people who are dealing with negativity due to their sexual orientation, have lived with it for many years and have adapted their lifestyle to cater, whether they are open or private. If a person isn’t meeting their personal sexual and intimate desires in a healthy way, then sooner or later the foundations that underpin their relationships with others, work, social lives, physical and mental health will deteriorate.
All people regardless of their legal sexual attraction, should have the right of accepting themselves and leading their lives complementary to their needs and desires. Dave Wells can help you explore and accept your true sexual desires, identify your sexual attractions, and help you make sense of them, uninterrupted by expectations, pressure, or judgement from others.
Family and Friends who have difficulty accepting Gay, Bisexual, Straight, and Other Sexual Orientations.
It seems ridiculous that anyone who have difficulty accepting the heterosexual identify of a friend or family member. When a person is born with sexual orientation, shouldn’t the same be said for the reverse? It should, but unfortunately it is not and this is due to ‘socialisation’.
All people are socialised by their family, community and societal cultures. Many of the messages that we receive are also inter-generational. For these reasons, people who are confronted with the same sex attraction of a loved one, can often experience difficulty accepting the challenge to their values and beliefs. In simple terms; when you have been told to think a particular way, and have lived your life to complement these values and goals, it can be an extremely difficult process to change a lifetime of thoughts and experiences to think a different way, just because someone who is close to you, expects you to.
Dave Wells believes of the importance to recognise a person’s past; history, experiences, and values that have led to who they are today and utilising these attributes to help them achieve who they want to become. It is never acceptable to discriminate against anyone for how they are born, nor should any other identity outside of the mainstream be expected to conform. With difference and diversity comes strength, and by ignoring these there can be no inclusion.
Dave Wells specialises in working from a person-centred and sexual-affirmative approach with people around sexual orientation and is experienced at creating a relationship of cohesion for the person with themselves, as well as other with the person.