Coming out as gender-diverse can be a time of, confusion, insecurity, pressure, fear of rejection, and loss. When coming to terms with who you are we often explore for where we fit in, and for many Trans people this acceptance comes from the gay and lesbian community.  Although an environment that provides safety to be who you are with less restriction, it is unfortunate that people who have a diverse gender often get grouped with people who have a diverse sexual orientation (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual), as this often results in ignorance and inappropriate judgement

The two groups (gender-diverse and sexually diverse) became paired in reaction to phobia and discrimination. There was safety for both groups when socialising together, at a time when society was not wise to the differences, both were viewed as deviant. This connection between "gay' and 'trans' often leads to a confusion between what a drag queen is, and what a transgendered person is, and the same goes for sexuality and gender. The 'everyday' person (gay or straight), often view gay bars as having ‘drag queens’ (gay men dressed up as the opposite sex for entertainment purposes), and the term ‘gay’ means same sex attracted, so to uneducated people diverse-gendered equals homosexual. This situation can result in a diverse-gendered person not only having to explain their diverse-gender when they come out, but also justifying their sexuality. People who are diverse in their gender identify their sexual attraction toothers as; straight, gay, bisexual and queer, no different to any other person.

The added pressures of sexuality the ‘coming-out’ process can be much more difficult for people who are diverse-gendered, in comparison to people who are sexually diverse. If a diverse-gendered person, presents and lives their life in society as they identify, then their ‘diverse-gender’ may be obvious to those around them and attract unwelcome and negative attention.  Because of this, many trans-men often begin their self-discovery through connections to the Lesbian community.  Lesbian women have traditionally gone against societal expectations on women, to be comfortable in themselves with how they present.  This freedom supports trans mento explore their own identity in a safer and more accepting environment.

For many same sex attracted people, they can often present in society without exhibiting their diverse sexual orientation.  Many do suffer at the hands of homophobia due to the ignorance of stereotyping mannerisms or dress-styles, however for many they do not stand out from the ‘norm’, and in-turn avoid attracting possible discrimination and violence.  

Some men maybe feminine in their persona, some females may present as masculine, but this does not necessarily represent their gender, or the sex of the person who they are attracted to.  Even if it does, it is their story to tell, and unnecessary for others to assume.  This view does not ignore or underestimate the many same sex attracted people who have been discriminated and violated due to being themselves in public, however these differences that place a person at risk of negative consequences, are much more heightened when a person is living their gender identity, then that of a person living their sexual orientation.

Some common experiences that can affect gender diverse people when coming out, include:

·    Feeling ‘different’ from other people around you.

·    Phobic bullying about your gender identity, whether verbal or physical, and usually always emotional.

·    Feeling pressure to define or deny your feelings regarding your gender identity.

·    Feeling unsupported or worried that your gender identity will not be accepted by friends and family members, along with the possibility of being rejected or isolated.

·    Feeling stressed and anxious in relation to the pressure to conform with your sex assigned at birth.

·   Constant discriminatory attacks from media, church, politicians, the general public and the lack of inclusion in replace of sensationalising and fearmongering.

-      Ignorance to the biological facts that make gender-diversity no different to the variations that people have with their hair and skin colour or physical abilities.

Feeling these pressures mentioned above can be stressful, especially with all the other stresses in your life such as managing school or university, job hunting, financial, health, forming relationships, and making sense of who you are and your place in the world, etc, etc.  There are many individuals, businesses, politicians, media personal, and community services, who are advocates and aim to represent the best interests of people regardless of their diversities, however when a person is struggling with their own poor self-image / low self-confidence / low self-esteem, too often any supportive voices are drowned out by the negative ones. The greater the support for diverse gendered people, the stronger they will become in achieving change for the better in the future.

We are living at a time that acceptance of difference has improved significantly in many areas of our society.  For some, these changes haven’t made it as far as reaching their families or networks. For this reason, it can be difficult for the diverse-gendered person to have the opportunity to be fluid and honest about their journey of discovering who they are, and yet this is essential for a healthy transition towards reaching your comfortable self.  

Although it can be difficult for many reasons to share what you are going through when in the coming-out process, many parents and friends can also feel alone.  To reach the ‘kicking that closet door off its hinges’ and living who you are stage of coming out, it is important to try to create a shared journey where each person has the opportunity to form opinions based on fact, rather than the unknown, their fears, or any myths that they have collected throughout their lives. Each person involved in the coming out process of a gender-diverse person will have their own experiences, losses, thoughts and questions. It is only through having the ability to reflect and honestly, and with the ability to question without the fear of retribution, can a person then move on to a state of true acceptance

Dave Wells has worked extensively with people who are diverse-gendered and is also knowledgeable and empathetic about the societal barriers and difficulties that can present.  He is also aware of the necessary psychological and medical referral pathways required if the person presents with wanting re-assignment surgery, hormone therapy, or hormone-blockers.  Sometimes even if planning or researching the coming out event has been undertaken, the person may require brief support to feel confident with their approach.

Many people are very comfortable and confident with being diverse-gendered, however they experience other difficulties outside of how they identify in the gender. Finding a professional who is ‘safe’ to talk to without judgement and basing everything around a person’s gender diversity can be difficult to find. Dave Wells will give you this respect.

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